#also i know i call myself an it guy and tech support or whatever and mix it up regularly. but its bc thats what i mostly do
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shout out to people who have the most normal boring regular job imaginable, but work at a place that makes people’s brains explode trying to think how you can do said job at said place
#decided it was time to let this one out in the wild too since people liked my nipple comic#this one is pretty old tho#anyways people know what tech support does. but as soon as i say i do tech support at an amusement park theyre like#'oh? you maintain the rides?' NO!#also i know i call myself an it guy and tech support or whatever and mix it up regularly. but its bc thats what i mostly do#i think my title is like it systems analyst or something#my comics tag
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Sunshine [7] - Heat Wave
AN: My loves, thank you so so much for your wonderful support and lovely comments and HCs! ❤️ You’re amazing! ❤️
I hope you like this as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! 🥰
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Female!Reader
Summary: There are many ways how a first date can end.
Word Count: 4400
CW: Explicit language, mentions of sex, drinking, adult themes MDNI
Series Masterlist
A rational and emotionally mature person would know that drunk calls were normal, and the aftermath was inevitable. Drinking too much sometimes led to that, everyone knew, and a rational and emotionally mature person was supposed to just handle it with dignity.
Too bad you weren’t that person.
“So you’re avoiding the hot lumberjack?”
“Can we stop calling him that?”
You repressed a laugh and filled Nik’s cup with coffee.
“Well, I wouldn’t say I’m avoiding him,” you said. “It’s just…you know, I’m sure Logan is a very busy individual so if anything, I’m doing him a favor by not distracting him. For all we know, he could be on a mission right now. Do you really want him to die because he’s answering my call? I couldn’t live with that on my conscience.”
“Sunshine—”
“He could be saving the world,” you pointed out. “Do you want the world to end because he is answering my call? Do you want me to be the person who causes the extinction of the whole humankind? I mean honestly what am I, a tech CEO?”
“You’re so avoiding him.”
You heaved a sigh, then leaned against the counter.
“I texted him the next morning.”
“But you didn’t call him?”
“I can’t call him,” you whined. “I’ve made a fool of myself.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Nik said and you tilted your head at Jamie who was eating his breakfast.
“How are you being so quiet about this? I thought you’d be thrilled that I’m avoiding him.”
“I am but I can’t comment on this whole thing, I have a conflict of interest.”
“Conflict of interest?”
“Yeah I hate the guy’s guts,” he stated before nodding at you. “Keep avoiding him, you’re better off without him.”
Nik gasped. “Jamie!”
“Babe, that guy is a walking red flag.”
“Even if it were true, he also looks like he belongs on the cover page of those vintage romance books my grandma has in her library.”
“Fabio?!”
“I don’t know his name Jamie, but in Logan’s case I’ll allow a little red.” Nik stated. “It’s been years since she got laid.”
Your jaw dropped. “No it hasn’t!”
“I’m half scared she’ll join a convent,” Nik said, motioning in your direction and making you roll your eyes.
“Guys.”
“She’s not just going to get laid, she’s already talking about moving to the mountains with that asshole.”
“It’s not a mountain, it’s a cabin in the woods!” you argued and Jamie shrugged his shoulders.
“Whatever it is.”
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to hear from me after that night,” you said. “I mean I totally made a move on him and…”
“And he turned you down because you were drunk!” Nik said with a smile and Jamie made a face.
“That’s like the bare minimum, don’t get impressed by that.”
“And when he maimed three guys for her?”
“The least he could do, considering what they threatened her with. Should’ve killed them if you ask me.”
A shiver ran down your spine but you made yourself busy with the tablecloth, wiping at the counter while Nik raised his brows.
“Driving her home so that she wouldn’t walk in the rain? Fixing her car? Going all the way from school to her neighborhood because he was worried about her being drunk and outside?”
“What are we, keeping a list now?”
“Darling I know you’re very adamant about hating this guy but you do have to admit the things he’s been doing for her are the opposite of a red flag,” Nik said, patting his hand as if trying to console him and Jamie heaved a sigh.
“I hate this.”
“So you think I should call him?” you asked Nik and he nodded.
“You should.”
“I disagree.”
“Well aware of that Jamie.”
“I hate him.”
“Figured that one as well, strange as it sounds,” Nik said before turning to you. “Call him.”
You nibbled on your lip, then motioned at Stacey and held up your phone, making her nod before you made your way out of the diner. Taking a deep breath, you found his name on the screen and touched it before taking the phone to your ear.
It rang only once.
“Hey princess.”
“Logan, hi!” you said, your heart pacing in your chest. “Um, are you busy?”
“Not at all,” he said. “Took you a while to sober up huh?”
You could feel your lips curling into a smile at his teasing remark.
“I may or may not have been avoiding you,” you admitted, biting at your nails. “I’m sorry.”
“Not a problem,” he said with a small chuckle. “Why were you avoiding me?”
You shrugged your shoulders as if he could see you.
“I don’t know,” you mumbled. “Reasons.”
He hummed and you shifted your weight before you leaned back to the wall of the diner.
“Thank you by the way,” you said. “For…that whole night. And I’m sorry for—for making a move on you, that’s very unlike me and I—”
“Are you free tonight?”
Your head shot up, your eyes widening at his question and you felt your breath catching in your throat before you swallowed.
“Me?” you felt the need to ask and he paused for a moment as if he didn’t know how to answer that.
“…Yes?”
“As in tonight tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“Uh—sure!” you said, your voice going high pitched for a moment. “I’d love that!”
“Great, I can pick you up from the diner—”
“No!” you cut him off as you looked down at your uniform, frowning slightly. “I need to drop by my place first.”
“That’s fine,” he said. “I can pick you up from there then. Does 8 work for you?”
“Yeah!” you said breathlessly as you nodded your head so fast that you got dizzy for a second, blinking fast. “It totally works for me.”
“Great,” he said. “See you tonight then.”
“See you,” you said and hung up, then let out a squeal and pressed the phone to your chest, jumping up and down in your spot. You took a deep breath, then fixed your hair and made your way back into the diner to rush to the counter again.
“He asked me out!” you whispered to Nik, grabbing his arm. “Just now, he asked me out!”
Jamie let out a whine and buried his face into his palms while Nik grinned at you, patting Jamie on the back in a reassuring manner.
“See? Told you.”
“We’re meeting tonight! At 8!” you said and paused for a moment. “Oh my God what do I wear?”
“A Regency gown.”
“Jamie I love you but not now,” Nik told him before he turned to you. “We’ll videocall okay? You, me and Julie.”
“Okay.”
“And after you and Logan become a couple, we can have a double date.”
That was enough to make Jamie lift his head from his hands. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll convince him,” Nik told you and you let out a giggle, your insides all warm with excitement.
“Nik,” you said. “I really really like him.”
Nik let out an “aw!” and reached out to squeeze your hand.
“That’s good!” he said. “I mean granted we will grill him about his intentions with you but it’s a great start.”
Jamie opened his mouth to disagree but Nik elbowed him, shooting him a glare. You suppressed your laugh as Jamie heaved a sigh, then turned to you.
“Just…” he said. “Be careful. Please?”
“Always am,” you promised him with a grin. “The pie is on me by the way. For emotional support.”
*
It wasn’t that you hadn’t been on dates.
Nik was quite the matchmaker, so was Julie. In fact, for the last year, they had been acting like their sole purpose in life was to find you a boyfriend so if anything, you had been on too many dates.
Not that—
Not that you assumed this was a date.
Even if you were wearing matching lingerie underneath your dress.
You were basically buzzing with anticipation as you stared at your reflection in the mirror, fixing your hair before smoothing down your dress. Your wardrobe looked like it had exploded and for a moment the possibility of bringing Logan back to your apartment crossed your mind, making your heart skip a happy beat. You gathered up all your clothes into your arms to push them into the wardrobe, then put your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side.
“Good enough,” you mumbled and walked to your vanity to check on your makeup, then went to the living room to approach the small fish tank. You grabbed the fish food next to it, then sprinkled it into the tank carefully before dragging your finger over the glass, following their movements.
Theo was going to be so happy when he saw them.
Your head whipped around when you heard the doorbell ring, your heart beating in your ears and to make it worse you knew very well that he could hear it but you refused to dwell on it, so you made your way to the door to open it.
Fuck, you were beginning to think you were never going to get used to just how hot he was.
“Hi!”
“Hi princess,” he said, his deep voice making your stomach do a happy flip as he looked you up and down. “You look beautiful.”
Oh dear God, you were not going to survive tonight.
“Thanks, so do you,” you said with a smile before you turned around to get your jacket and purse. “So um, where are we going?”
Where you were going turned out to be a cozy bar with soft music playing in the background. It was somehow so Logan, there was no chaos, no deafening noise or blinding lights.
Just pure comfort; the kind that made you almost lightheaded, warming your insides.
“So why exactly were you avoiding me?” Logan asked as the waiter put his whiskey and your cocktail on the table and you took a shaky breath, forcing yourself to focus on the question rather than how handsome he looked under the dim light of the bar as you crossed your arms on the table.
“I mean…” you trailed off, scrunching up your face for a moment. “I was embarrassed.”
“Why?”
“Uh I don’t know if you remember that night,” you tried to joke your way through discomfort. “But it wasn’t what one would call dignified.”
He shot you a lighthearted glare and you shrugged your shoulders.
“I turn into a very impulsive person when I’m drunk,” you admitted and his lips quirked into a smile.
“Yeah I don’t know that many people who buy fish when they’re drunk.”
“Oh you don’t know the half of it,” you said with a laugh. “I have a worse drunk story actually.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah, on my senior year in high school, me and my friends got drunk and in our town there was this guy who was a dog breeder,” you said. “And we knew he was terrible to them, we wrote petitions and everything for the town council to do something but there was no use. So one night, we knew he was out of town so we broke into his house and stole all the dogs.”
He raised his brows, smiling slightly. “Seriously?”
“Yeah! And we kept all of them at my friend’s house and one by one we got them adopted. The guy knew we did it, but there was no chip or anything so he couldn’t do anything.”
“Wow,” he said, a chuckle vibrating in his chest. “So you turn into a vigilante when you’re drunk, got it.”
“I do,” you said, raising your cocktail in a mock of toast before taking a sip while he leaned back. “I love animals. I was actually studying to be a—” you paused for a moment. “Well, studying is a big word for it considering I dropped out without even completing my freshman year, but I was studying to be a vet before Theo.”
He tilted his head. “Really?”
“Mm hm.”
“Classmate?” he asked and you licked your lips, an icy spark replacing the happy warmth inside of you.
“Uh,” you said, trying to sound nonchalant. “T.A actually.”
Logan pulled his brows together and you took a sip of your cocktail.
“Trust me, I know how fucked up it sounds now,” you said with a small laugh. “But back then I didn’t and it worked out very well for him.”
“That guy really sounds like he needs to get his ass beat.”
“Oh Jamie actually beat him up once,” you pointed out. “In what became known as The Legendary Bar Fight. We celebrate it once a year with drinks.”
“You could give me his address.”
“Absolutely not, and I don’t even know where he is to be honest,” you said. “Anyway, why are we talking about him? Also why am I the one doing all the talking yet again?”
“I like listening to you talk.”
You could feel your cheeks growing warmer and a smile curled your lips.
“Until I give you a headache.”
“Never gonna happen.”
Your smile widened as you looked down at your cocktail, shifting your weight.
“Well, either way,” you mumbled. “It’s your turn now.”
“Oh, my turn?”
“I barely know anything about you,” you admitted. “Other than the fact that you have been saving me a lot since we met.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “What do you want to know?”
“Whatever you’re willing to tell me,” you said. “What did you want to be when you grew up?”
“Alive.”
Your brows pinched together as you took a deep breath.
“Limited options, got it,” you said. “Were your family also mutants?”
“My brother,” he said. “Victor. We don’t…talk anymore.”
Something in his tone was distant, so you decided not to push it.
“Do you like working for Professor X?” you asked, steering the conversation to safer waters and that seemed to pull him out of his thoughts as he nodded his head.
“Yeah,” he said. “Charles is the best man I’ve ever met. Don’t tell him I said that though.”
“Cross my heart,” you said with a giggle, proud of yourself for finding a better subject. “How did you meet him?”
“He found me back when I was a cage fighter.”
You blinked a couple of times. “Sorry, a cage fighter?”
“Yeah I was uh…” he paused for a moment. “Wandering.”
“How does one become a cage fighter?”
“Wrong crowd,” he joked, making you let out a laugh.
“I’d bet. And now you are part time teacher, part time…going on missions.”
“Mm hm.”
“And you have a costume,” you mused as he shook his head slightly. “Any chance I’ll get to see you in it?”
“If you ask nicely.”
A fire spread over your cheeks at the teasing tone in his voice and you scrunched up your nose at him.
“I’m always nice,” you pointed out nonchalantly. “Or has it escaped your attention?”
“Trust me, it hasn’t.”
His lips twitched when a smile warmed your face and that soft light started gleaming in his eyes.
“Okay,” you said, sitting up straight. “Another question.”
“Shoot.”
“You really didn’t get a handkerchief?”
He scoffed a laugh. “You remember that?”
“Unfortunately.”
“As I said, I had other priorities in mind.”
You narrowed your eyes a little. “I could see you in period clothing, now that I imagine it...”
“Please stop imagining me like that.”
“Like those long jackets, long boots—oh my God,” you gasped, making him raise his brows. “Logan!”
“I’m not gonna like what you’re about to say, am I?”
“A top hat!”
Logan nodded to himself. “Yep, called it.”
“No seriously,” you insisted. “On Halloween—”
“Absolutely not.”
You let out a small laugh.
“Nik throws these amazing Halloween parties and the theme was ‘write your own story’ a couple years back,” you said. “So I got this huge dress, like…17th century huge, with a corset and everything, and no one really thinks about it but it is quite hard to unlace a corset—" you tilted your head when you saw his smirk. ”Hey!”
Logan held up his hands, gesturing surrender.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Let me guess, you’re painfully familiar with how to unlace a corset?”
“Still not saying anything.”
You hummed, trying to adapt a serious expression.
“Anyway, Casanova,” you said. “So my story was, there’s this girl, who was betrothed to the love of his life, and then he gets lost at the sea and everyone is convinced that his ship sank, but the plot twist, he wasn’t dead so he comes back but he’s a vampire, and he turns her into a vampire as well –obviously with consent— and they live happily ever after.”
“Quite the love story.”
“Thank you,” you said happily. “So no handkerchief?”
“No handkerchief.”
You hummed, then heaved a sigh.
“Very well then,” you said and grabbed your purse to take out a pen, then pulled the napkin on the table to yourself to write your initials on it. You pulled back to look at it better, then held it out for him.
“There you go, Mr. I had other priorities.” you said with a grin. “A make do handkerchief.”
The fond look on his face was enough to make your heart skip a happy beat as he stared at you, then took it from you and folded it before he pulled out his wallet, making your eyes widen.
“Oh I was just—you don’t have to actually keep it, it’s a silly joke,” you stammered and he shot you a glance of disbelief as if he was surprised that you thought he wouldn’t.
“I’ll keep it,” he said while placing it into his wallet in such a careful manner that one simple observer would think it was something incredibly precious for him rather than just a bar napkin. You blinked a couple of times, gawking at him.
“Really?”
“Really.”
You were painfully aware of the heart eyes you were giving him so you forced yourself to drag your gaze from him to your cocktail and took a huge sip, your heart still beating in your ears.
“Okay then,” you said, taking a deep breath. “I hope you’re ready for more questions, because I have like a million of them.”
*
You had insisted walking after leaving the bar. It wasn’t that far away from your apartment, the weather was so nice, and you had hoped it would make him see you were completely sober, just in case it had escaped his attention how you had only drunk one cocktail in like two hours.
You had plans for tonight and it included him and your bed, God damn it.
“So you actually were a lumberjack?”
“I was cutting down trees and turning them into logs.”
“That’s what a lumberjack does,” you insisted as you walked beside him. “Julie has superpowers, I swear…”
“Hm?”
“Nothing,” you said quickly. “And you had a real cabin in the woods?”
“Something like that.”
“Are they still hiring?” you asked him, making him let out a laugh. “Seriously, I want a cabin in the woods.”
“For your Hi-Horse?”
Your heart skipped a beat as you stared up at him. “You remember that?”
“Of course,” he said as if he wasn’t melting your heart with that simple fact and you licked your lips.
“Did you have a horse?”
“Nope.”
“You had a cabin in the woods and you didn’t have a horse and two dogs and a cat?” you asked, pretending to be scandalized. “That’s just being short sighted, Logan.”
“Not all of us want to have a zoo, sweetheart.”
“It’s not a zoo!” you said with a gasp, making him grin.
“A farm then.”
“It’s not a farm,” you argued. “Farms have sheep.”
“Oh you don’t want sheep?”
“Of course I do but that’s beside the point,” you said. “It’s not a farm—”
“What are the sheep’s names?”
“Shearlock and Wooly Wonka,” you muttered, coaxing a chuckle out of him.
“Very creative.”
“Thank you,” you said. “I think it’s against the law to not have animals if you have a cabin in the woods.”
“It’s not.”
“Well it should be,” you said without hesitation and he bit back a smile as you stopped in front of your house.
Anticipation was swirling in your stomach, filling you with excitement and making your heartbeat faster. You knew he could hear it but for the first time, you didn’t mind it.
Desire was too strong to let you feel anything else.
“Um, so before I say what I’m about to say,” you said after a beat, turning to look at him better as you leaned back on the wall of the building. “I would like to point out that I’m completely one hundred percent sober.”
He tilted his head to the left, a mischievous light playing in his hazel eyes.
“Like, in case it has escaped your notice I only had one drink and it was a cocktail and it was a pretty light cocktail so like, half juice really,” you said. “And I’m not even buzzed, and even if I were buzzed, we walked here so fresh air would’ve helped. Which, it has no reason to help because to repeat I’m not even buzzed. I will blow on anything—that sounded wrong,” you corrected yourself, pulling your brows together. “Um, a breathalyzer I mean, if I blew into a breathalyzer it would come out a zero because I’m so sober, and—and—I don’t know if you paid attention to it, but I walked all the way here in a straight line, which should be the proof and if you didn’t, I can walk in a straight line right now to—”
You didn’t get to finish your sentence when he pulled you into a kiss.
You could swear the rest of the world stopped existing the moment his lips touched yours. His arm sneaked around your waist while he cradled the back of your head with his other hand, making your breath catch in your throat. Desire turned into fire in your veins, reaching your chest before it sent the warmth all over your body, making you dizzy. You gripped his shirt tighter in your fists, standing on your tiptoes, a soft whine escaping from your lips as soon as he pulled back, resting his forehead against yours.
“Fuck…” he whispered and you blinked up at him, nearly drunk in the haze.
“No I—I wanted you to do it,” you tried to find the right words through the fog of desire and he licked his lips, looking down at you before he shook his head slightly.
“You shouldn’t,” he rasped out and you pulled your brows together.
“I shouldn’t want you to do it?” you asked him, still trying to catch your breath and he nodded.
“I’m not…” he trailed off against your lips. “I’m no good for you.”
Your frown deepened before you let out a breath, and slowly reached out to cup his cheek. His eyes closed for a moment as if your mere touch was anchoring him to the moment, pulling him out of his own mind before he opened his eyes again to look at you. A tentative smile curled your lips and you thought for a moment before clearing your throat.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” you said, your voice soft. “I’ll be the one to decide whether you’re good for me or not. Alright?”
His eyes searched yours before he let out a breath, then nodded his head.
“Alright,” he said, his voice a murmur before he dipped his head down to kiss you again. A squeal escaped from you as he picked you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist and walked into the building. You had no idea how he didn’t lose his balance or hit anywhere on his way but you couldn’t bring yourself to care when he was kissing you like this, and you only noticed you had in fact reached your door when he pressed you against it.
“Inside, inside!” you giggled as you fished your keys out of your purse, and he held you with one arm, making your eyes widen while he took the keys from you and opened the door, then walked in and kicked the door shut behind him.
Oh God.
Oh God this was happening.
Now you understood what all those romance novels were talking about. You couldn’t pull yourself away from his kiss even if you wanted to, the fire had taken over your whole body until every single thought disappeared; the only thing that existed was him, and how good his lips made you feel. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you both fell on your bed, his weight taking your breath away for a moment before you unbuttoned his flannel and pushed it down his arms. He tossed it somewhere in the room and got rid of his white shirt underneath, making you let out a breath at his muscular body.
Jesus Christ.
Your fingertips grazed over his broad shoulders before slipping down to his hard chest and he helped you up to unzip your dress, his lips finding yours as if he couldn’t stand not kissing you even for a moment. He pulled back only to pull the dress off of you, but he froze as soon as his eyes fell on you.
“Fuck, you’re perfect,” the whisper left his lips like a prayer and you felt your heart skip a beat despite the ever-consuming fire.
“Not really,” you teased him. “I just planned it.”
He raised a brow, a mischievous glint appearing in his eyes and he slid down to the foot of the bed, then grabbed your ankle to pull you down, making you let out a small scream before you giggled, propping yourself up on your elbows to see him better.
“What are you doing?”
He gave you a wolfish grin, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine as he knelt down at the foot of the bed, his fingers drawing lazy circles on your inner thighs.
“Well, princess,” he muttered, your heart leaping up to your throat when you realized what he was about to do. “You’re not the only one who planned things.”
8 - Scorching
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#deadpool#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool 3#wolverine#wolverine x reader#logan wolverine#logan x reader#logan howlett x you#wolverine x you#james howlett#logan howlett imagine#logan x you#james logan howlett#logan xmen#wolverine logan
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A few thoughts from today:
1. I am seriously thinking about leaving Alaska and Outer Coast early. Called Michelle today and told her about all my horrible thoughts: that I am allowed to rest because I got my big tech internship, ergo my gap year is “baseline successful”; if I get a winter big tech internship I’ll let myself drop out because then I will be “doing something with my gap year instead of bumming around”; and my reasons to not drop out right now, which mainly revolve around needing a transcript from this school so I can show grad schools I’m not bumming around and staying long enough that I can farm this experience for application essays and interview answers in the future. “They’re horrible, ugly thoughts,” I said, “if these are the reasons I’m staying, I should not stay. But I keep thinking, what am I gonna tell the Marshall selection committee in two years? It’s a horrible way of thinking.” And I am ashamed of it, I think. The truth is that I’m not having a good time right now. I’m desperately homesick and horribly anxious and don’t feel any level of human warmth from the people here anywhere near the level I need to feel happy and safe, and that’s terrifying, and it makes me fear that the rest of my life any time I go someplace new will be like this, and by my own social inadequacies and follies I will be consigned to a life of aching solitude. Of course logically I know that not to be true. But my mental health has been bad the past few weeks, and fear speaks often to me. Mom and dad are supportive, though, of whatever I do - and have told me many wise things, like “it’s okay to have a bad experience” and “you can’t blame yourself for everything and attribute all your hardships to personal failings” and “you should listen to yourself.” It’s a bit sad, because I had a good few weeks (despite a horrendous first week) when I came here and there are things I have gained and events I have been a part of that have made me feel very happy and fulfilled, in a way. Something about nature and ancestors and movement and culture and song. But I’ve been quite miserable and homesick for the past week and a half, and I seriously just want to go home. It’s not a good use of my time to be miserable alone here when every time I call home the house in everyone’s backgrounds is filled with warmth. And yet I keep on telling myself I’m halfway through and only have 6 real weeks of classes left, I can stick it through, I can spend my free time reading books and watching anime and playing games instead of moping, et cetera… so I’m horribly torn.
2. Language - being here really re-affirms my belief that I want to learn more languages of the world. And also learn more language in English - I have felt so often and so achingly much that there are so many things I have not found language to say, and those unsayable things live with me every day and I feel them constantly. And today I was just thinking of that, and how much I wanted to write poetry again. How much I wanted to find it in me.
3. On brilliant minds: this has two parts. The first is that I realize I seriously idolize my teachers when I admire them, when in reality they are JUST A GUY. So when I don’t get the attention I want from them (this is often) I nope and blame myself and question everything about the world, all the questions that haunt me like if there is subliminal racism or sexism or whateverism, if they see less of my personhood than if I had the precisely same mind in the body of a white person. And endless comparisons to peers. And I want to be recognized as a brilliant and exceptional mind by these teachers so badly. But the moment that thought crossed my mind today I struck it down - first, my teachers are flawed humans too. Great holders of knowledge, sure, but also susceptible to bias and ego and ignorance. Secondly, I do not really want the purpose of my intellect or anything else I cultivate to be in service to gaining recognition from a select few. To be honest, I’m not as invested in having an exceptionally brilliant mind as I was when I was younger. Of course this illusion still stands. But more and more now I really just want a mind that has the facilities I require to know the world in the ways I need for the greater part of myself to feel things like wonder and peace and anger and sadness, all meshed together in that impossible understanding of grief and joy and light.
So - top M.O.s at Outer Coast include:
- scheduling therapy
- reading more books
- watching more shows
- de-idolizing staffulty and recognizing the just-some-guyness of them
- deciding whether or not I want to leave
It’s crazy and unbelievable to me that everything is gonna be okay. But very clearly too I can see that everything is definitely gonna be okay.
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Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (334): Mon 13th Feb 2023
One more shift until I get three days off. I love this job but I don’t know if I could do this if it was a 9-5. I need a full three days to recover from the strain and boredom of backing hundreds if not thousands of items into boxes for 40 hours a week while shitty music is forced into my ear canals. If I only had two days to recover from this shit then I’d be in a bad mood all the time. Interestingly enough when I worked at TSB they surveyed us and asked whether we’d be interested in switching to a four day work week and I said absolutely fucking not. 10 hours (minus two 30 minute breaks) of standing in one spot and silently packing items into boxes I could definitely do but 10 hours (minus one hour lunch and two fifteen minute breaks) of talking to shitheads on the phone, go fuck your Dad! Even though it would be less work the type of work in the TSB job is WAY worse than in the factory (also those fifteen minute breaks felt more like fifteen second breaks). I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since I left that shithole and frankly I’m not sure how I lasted six months there without ramming my head through a computer screen. Since I did a month of training, two weeks on holiday, a week off with COVID and ten days off the phones because their systems stopped working because the tech team are really incompetent, this means that I only really spent four months talking to dickheads on the phone but it was still way too much. I still regret not writing down the names and numbers of the arsehole callers I got so that when I go on trips away I could use public telephones to prank call them in the middle of the night to get back at them for talking to me like a piece of shit.
Six weeks until WrestleMania! Man I’m so fucking excited. For a while it seemed like I would never get there and now it’s so close. Next week I’ll go to the town and get my money changed over to dollars (or whatever currency Biden changes it to in the time between now and the trip. Hell the guy’s so senile he may pass a law ruling that people have to pay for stuff with underpants…although that would make buying underpants tricky). I might prepare for WrestleMania 39 by watching every single WrestleMania to get myself in the spirit of things. It also means that I’m going to have to start watching Raw and Smackdown again so that I’ll be up to speed on the storylines going into the show…urgh. I know that the Rumble and Mania still deliver but the stuff on Raw and Smackdown that isn’t Roman Reigns and Sami Zayn is just abysmal. Personally I think WWE are making a big mistake by going with Cody Rhodes being the guy to face Roman at Mania (unless he loses which he should in which case I’m fine with it). Rhodes did a good job last year of garnering fan support and establishing himself as a top babyface but it hasn’t been enough to warrant him being the one to dethrone Reigns. The person to take the belt off of Reigns should do so as the culmination of a lengthy storyline, not just because they won the Rumble. Sami Zayn is far and away the more logical choice to face Reigns at Mania, though I don’t think he should win either as it will be much more effective if they have him lose this year, have Reigns title run go over the 1000 day mark and then have Sami defeat him at Mania 40. Speaking of WWE pay per views I think next year I’m going to pull the trigger on the Royal Rumble too, although the location for the show hasn’t been decided yet. The great thing about my Mania trip is that i will be able to cross this item as well as visiting California and seeing the LA Lakers off my bucket list. Therefore I’m hoping that the Rumble will be located in a state that will allow me to cross off additional items. I’ve always wanted to visit New Orleans so having the Rumble there would be handy. I also want to see Edgar Allan Poe’s grave and the house he lived in which are both in Baltimore so hopefully they might announce this as the site of the show.
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